What Drew You To The Children?

That was the question we were asked at the ill-fated meeting I have written about in previous blog posts: Under Repair and When Things Go Wrong It was a weird question for us to be asked because of how we had come to be provisionally linked to the children. Even stranger was that the person asking us was the person who approached us about the children before we were even approved to adopt. It was a question that we floundered on, that we failed to answer or even give a half-hearted response to. Many prospective adopters who have been linked to

Hidden Trauma

I had a conversation recently with someone about how an adopted child could seem very settled and content with their life only for it to go horribly wrong when the teenage years hit. My point was that the trauma they suffered in their early lives can come back and hit them when they reach that age. The teenage years are when we discover a lot about ourselves and the type of person we want to be, and our past can play a huge role in that.

A Letter To My Son

Dear Son, As I write this we have just become your longest ever home and I look back to see how far you have come, how much you have changed since that day when we first met you. Not only you though, as I have changed too. The day that I was first called ‘Dad’ will forever be stuck in my mind, how a nervous man walked into a stranger’s home and had his life changed forever. Walking tentatively through the door, we could hear your social worker chatting with your foster carer. You were still eating your lunch, which

Pretending

Another break from my normal post. I’m sure many parents feel like they are pretending when they first get the role, whether they are biological children or adopted children. For adopters you have a difficult first few months where you have many professionals questioning many of the things you do. You are not the sole parents of your children as the local authority still has parental rights over them until the adoption order goes through. You can’t do many things without their permission, so it does sort of feel like you aren’t real parents.

Support Networks

During Stage 1 of the adoption process we were asked to create what was called an “Eco-map” to represent the family, friends and co-workers who we thought made up the network of people who would support us during the approval process and after we adopted our child/children. When we were thinking about who to put on the map we didn’t really have to do so too hard. We both have quite close-knit families so brothers, sisters, mums, dad, and grandparents immediately went on to it without a second thought. We then considered extended family and put a few aunts, uncles,

The Electric Fence

Someone much wiser than me once told me that throughout our parenting our children will constantly test the boundaries that we have put in place just to make sure that they are still there, to see if they can get around or breach them. She referred to it as “testing the electric fence to ensure it is still switched on”. Even our far more limited experience of being parents tells us this is true, no more so than the last few weeks.