The Mother’s Day Resolution

  Continued from: The Mother’s Day Exclusion The teacher was standing on the school gate, apparently the person given the duty usually performed by one of the absent leadership team.  I was nervous, so I asked one of the mums who we are friends with to come with me so that I wasn’t a lone voice. The conversation started like this: “I’ve been asked to tell you that the school will respond to your letter, but because neither the head nor deputy head are in until after half term it won’t be until then. They didn’t want you to think they

The Mother’s Day Exclusion

Mother’s Day this year has been an interesting time. It’s the first year that it has really been something we’ve had to acknowledge in our household because it is the first year that one of my sons has been in an institution (his school) that decided to create an event around it. Previously they have been at a nursery who tended to do anything (cards etc) on a day when they didn’t attend, avoiding any conflict with our family. So, an invitation arrived from the school inviting us… oh wait… not us… Addressed to “Mums”…. to their Mother’s Day lunch

You Keep Me Safe

As adoptive parents sometimes when we see a glimmer of progress it is often combined with a feeling of sadness. It is an odd feeling to be sad when you should be happy. The reason for this is often the signs of progress are things which other children never have to face, things which never even cross their minds as being an issue, yet can be absolutely massive steps forward for our children. This could be something as simple as reacting in a shy way to a stranger where they would normally go up and give them a huge hug.

New Year, New… Expectations?

New years’ celebrations have always been a bit anticlimactic in my mind. I’ve never celebrated the incrementing of that last digit of the date by one. The transition of 1999 to 2000 was celebrated by me being in bed with flu. There are often too many expectations that come with moving from the end of one year to the start of the next. I’ve never really understood why, in my mind it’s just the start of another day. All the problems that existed on the 31st December are still there on the 1st January, as is everything else. I’ve never

It Hurts

My son hurts. He tries so hard to follow the rules, to do the right thing. He doesn’t always get it right. He used to spread his hurt to others. Backwards headbutts, hitting, kicking, biting, hurting. Now he tries to stop himself; it’s a visible struggle. When he does wrong, especially when it’s accidental, his instant reaction is to lash out. He’s learning to contain it, to control it, but his anger, his shame has nowhere to go. He screams, he cries, he thumps his hands up and down, until he contains them in his mouth. He doesn’t hit, he

I Have Adopted Siblings

This week is National Adoption Week 2017, the focus this year is on sibling adoptions which makes sense given that apparently 61% of children in care waiting to be adopted are deemed to need to be placed with a sibling. I have adopted siblings, we adopted them from care. Like most sibling groups they went through a ‘sibling assessment’ to see whether they should be adopted together or apart. Many people with children will wonder why on earth that would be required, why would it ever be in their best interests to split them? Well there are reasons which I’m

Making A Difference?

Today I feel like I’ve made more of a difference for some families than I ever have before. I was in a confidential meeting so I can’t discuss much about it, but the topic of post-adoption support came up. In that meeting I was the only ‘service user’ present, so I was the only person who was able to present any information from an adopter’s point of view. The others were either independent people with nothing much to do with adoption (professionally, at least) or social workers. There were two things I said which I think made an impact: “There