Post Adoption Archives - Then We Were Four

Transitions

10th October 2018 Then We Were Four Adoption, Family Life, Post Adoption, Slider 2 comments

This has been the longest time away from this blog I have had since I started writing it 4 (!) years ago. The reason for the absence has multiple facets, but they can be summed up in one word: Transitions. Since I wrote my last post our family has undergone a number of transitions. Some went more smoothly than others. Unfortunately the others have caused me some issues. I’ll start with the one that went smoothly, Eldest went from reception to Year 1 at school. He didn’t exhibit too many signs of anxiety, there may have been a bit of

The Support Plan

29th September 2017 Then We Were Four Adoption, Family Life, Post Adoption, Slider 6 comments

As adoptive parents we are presented with what is called a “Support Plan” at a reasonably early stage. Our adoption agency does this shortly before Matching Panel so that the plan can be presented to the panel and forms part of the decision as to whether the parents are a good match for the children. Often the type of support detailed in the plan will vary based on the knowledge and skills of the prospective parents.

Stresses and Annoyances

11th July 2017 Then We Were Four Adoption, Family Life, Post Adoption One comment

Some days I give up trying to justify why I might be a little bit more stressed about a situation than A. N. Other parent would be. Sometimes I get fed up with being told that it is “normal behaviour”, that it is “what I signed up for”, that “all children are like that”. It’s a situation which I’m sure many adopters are faced with. I sometimes feel like I’m getting my excuses in before people start saying those expressions. Then I’m usually greeted with a screwed up face which just says to me “I don’t understand what you mean,

A Letter To My Son

9th May 2017 Then We Were Four Adoption, Family Life, Post Adoption, Post Placement Leave a comment

Dear Son, As I write this we have just become your longest ever home and I look back to see how far you have come, how much you have changed since that day when we first met you. Not only you though, as I have changed too. The day that I was first called ‘Dad’ will forever be stuck in my mind, how a nervous man walked into a stranger’s home and had his life changed forever. Walking tentatively through the door, we could hear your social worker chatting with your foster carer. You were still eating your lunch, which

Accidental Parenting?

19th April 2017 Then We Were Four Adoption, Family Life, Post Adoption One comment

Right from day one whenever anything has gone well with our parenting it has felt like a bit of an accident. Conversely, when things go badly or wrong, it has felt like we are failing or sabotaging ourselves by not doing something right – what though is anyone’s guess!

False Boundaries

29th March 2017 Then We Were Four Adoption, Family Life, parenthood, Post Adoption 2 comments

Boundaries: The saviour of parents throughout the world. A way of teaching children the rules of society, right from wrong, what is acceptable and what is not. A way to make sure they learn to keep themselves safe. Right? Not always.

Support Networks

28th March 2017 Then We Were Four Adoption, Post Adoption, Stage 1 One comment

During Stage 1 of the adoption process we were asked to create what was called an “Eco-map” to represent the family, friends and co-workers who we thought made up the network of people who would support us during the approval process and after we adopted our child/children. When we were thinking about who to put on the map we didn’t really have to do so too hard. We both have quite close-knit families so brothers, sisters, mums, dad, and grandparents immediately went on to it without a second thought. We then considered extended family and put a few aunts, uncles,

What Did You Do Today?

1st March 2017 Then We Were Four Adoption, Family, Family Life, Post Adoption 2 comments

It’s a question I always make a point of asking my Eldest son after he has spent a day at nursery. I have always asked it, I even tried some of the more specific questions about who he liked playing with today, or what the best thing he did today was, but the most detailed response I have ever had was “I played with the boys and the girls”. Until now…

Something Amazing has Happened

12th February 2017 Then We Were Four Family Life, Post Adoption Leave a comment

My definition of amazing is probably not the same as other people’s. Not in relation to my children anyway. Since Christmas something has been changing in Eldest. It has happened gradually, almost unnoticed.