Dear Son, As I write this we have just become your longest ever home and I look back to see how far you have come, how much you have changed since that day when we first met you. Not only you though, as I have changed too. The day that I was first called ‘Dad’ will forever be stuck in my mind, how a nervous man walked into a stranger’s home and had his life changed forever. Walking tentatively through the door, we could hear your social worker chatting with your foster carer. You were still eating your lunch, which
Right from day one whenever anything has gone well with our parenting it has felt like a bit of an accident. Conversely, when things go badly or wrong, it has felt like we are failing or sabotaging ourselves by not doing something right – what though is anyone’s guess!
Boundaries: The saviour of parents throughout the world. A way of teaching children the rules of society, right from wrong, what is acceptable and what is not. A way to make sure they learn to keep themselves safe. Right? Not always.
During Stage 1 of the adoption process we were asked to create what was called an “Eco-map” to represent the family, friends and co-workers who we thought made up the network of people who would support us during the approval process and after we adopted our child/children. When we were thinking about who to put on the map we didn’t really have to do so too hard. We both have quite close-knit families so brothers, sisters, mums, dad, and grandparents immediately went on to it without a second thought. We then considered extended family and put a few aunts, uncles,
It’s a question I always make a point of asking my Eldest son after he has spent a day at nursery. I have always asked it, I even tried some of the more specific questions about who he liked playing with today, or what the best thing he did today was, but the most detailed response I have ever had was “I played with the boys and the girls”. Until now…
My definition of amazing is probably not the same as other people’s. Not in relation to my children anyway. Since Christmas something has been changing in Eldest. It has happened gradually, almost unnoticed.
Sometimes we concentrate too much on the negatives, some call this pessimism, others realism. We shout when we want to change something, but stay silent when things are good. It is seen everywhere including with adopters. I am guilty of this. I have written many posts detailing the bad time we had during our matching process, and although I have attempted to keep my posts balanced I’m not sure I have always managed to accomplish this. During our approval process we met only two social workers who we felt didn’t do their jobs to the best of their ability. Who didn’t do what
No, unfortunately this isn’t a story about four toddlers rampaging through the city with exploits about their love lives and careers. We only have two of them after all and clearly they’re not old enough to have careers yet (or love lives for that matter).
There is always a question that parents dread their children asking. You like to think you have prepared yourself to give an age appropriate answer, but they always manage to add a follow up you aren’t prepared for.
For many of us Christmas is a time of joy, a time for family, a time for giving and a time of unity. For others of us it is a time of stress, a time of emotional dysregulation and a time of disruption.