This has been the longest time away from this blog I have had since I started writing it 4 (!) years ago. The reason for the absence has multiple facets, but they can be summed up in one word: Transitions. Since I wrote my last post our family has undergone a number of transitions. Some went more smoothly than others. Unfortunately the others have caused me some issues. I’ll start with the one that went smoothly, Eldest went from reception to Year 1 at school. He didn’t exhibit too many signs of anxiety, there may have been a bit of
I have a son who has a monster inside of him. It’s a monster that tends to show itself whenever he is hungry. The monster makes him angry, it makes him argumentative, combative and sometimes even violent.
Continued from: The Mother’s Day Exclusion The teacher was standing on the school gate, apparently the person given the duty usually performed by one of the absent leadership team. I was nervous, so I asked one of the mums who we are friends with to come with me so that I wasn’t a lone voice. The conversation started like this: “I’ve been asked to tell you that the school will respond to your letter, but because neither the head nor deputy head are in until after half term it won’t be until then. They didn’t want you to think they
Mother’s Day this year has been an interesting time. It’s the first year that it has really been something we’ve had to acknowledge in our household because it is the first year that one of my sons has been in an institution (his school) that decided to create an event around it. Previously they have been at a nursery who tended to do anything (cards etc) on a day when they didn’t attend, avoiding any conflict with our family. So, an invitation arrived from the school inviting us… oh wait… not us… Addressed to “Mums”…. to their Mother’s Day lunch
As adoptive parents sometimes when we see a glimmer of progress it is often combined with a feeling of sadness. It is an odd feeling to be sad when you should be happy. The reason for this is often the signs of progress are things which other children never have to face, things which never even cross their minds as being an issue, yet can be absolutely massive steps forward for our children. This could be something as simple as reacting in a shy way to a stranger where they would normally go up and give them a huge hug.
New years’ celebrations have always been a bit anticlimactic in my mind. I’ve never celebrated the incrementing of that last digit of the date by one. The transition of 1999 to 2000 was celebrated by me being in bed with flu. There are often too many expectations that come with moving from the end of one year to the start of the next. I’ve never really understood why, in my mind it’s just the start of another day. All the problems that existed on the 31st December are still there on the 1st January, as is everything else. I’ve never
It is that time of the year, the time when some people get all jovial, extra generous and kind, and others get panicky, grumpy and fairly fed up. For others still it is a dichotomous time with some elements that are loved and some that are hated.
It’s impossible, you can’t control it, stop worrying about it. I say it to myself many times most days. Yet my subconscious brain refuses to listen. It’s there gnawing away at my conscious brain causing me anxiety and stress. Unnecessary, yet ever-present.
I think it is sometimes very easy to think of our adopted children as broken, and the recent calls for extra support to be given probably hasn’t helped that concept one little bit. I don’t think looking at it that way is helpful, our children aren’t broken and to label them a such creates a detrimental stigma. Sometimes, though, they do need a bit of extra help and understanding to meet their potential. Maybe certain processes that work so well for 90% of children need to be changed or adapted to mean that children from a trauma background are able to
As adoptive parents we are presented with what is called a “Support Plan” at a reasonably early stage. Our adoption agency does this shortly before Matching Panel so that the plan can be presented to the panel and forms part of the decision as to whether the parents are a good match for the children. Often the type of support detailed in the plan will vary based on the knowledge and skills of the prospective parents.