For many of us Christmas is a time of joy, a time for family, a time for giving and a time of unity. For others of us it is a time of stress, a time of emotional dysregulation and a time of disruption.
Children, especially younger ones, tend to be literal creatures. With little experience of social convention they say things as they see them, whether that may be offensive to someone or not. It usually leads to hilarious moments, followed by a red-faced parent apologising for the socially unacceptable thing your child has just said. Children also have no prejudice until it is implanted into them by external factors, they don’t care about your gender, sexuality, race, or religion. Our children are no different. It is impossible to go out as a family without it being blatantly obvious we are a two-dad
This year will be our second Christmas with our boys but it’ll be our eldest son’s 4th and our youngest’s 3rd in their lifetimes. I don’t think we really appreciated how big a deal a stable Christmas with the extended family and lots of presents was until last year. It was something both my partner and I have always had, so it is the norm for us, for our children though it was not. It started to hit home a little bit with the lack of excitement from our eldest the night before. I know it was only his 3rd
We recently got asked this question, it was one we couldn’t actually answer with any certainty, and it got me thinking about why we had no response. Which one of you do your children go to if they want something? Who gives in more easily? Who is the soft touch? They’re all pretty much the same question, and our answer is neither of us and both of us. We were in a meeting with a few other adoptive parents and a social worker and the question came up while talking about our children. The consensus around the table was that
Many of the freedoms that we have as adults get compromised when we become parents. That is true regardless of how you become a parent. This isn’t something to complain about, it is something that any parent should expect, but that doesn’t mean we can’t miss them and, if I’m being brutally honest, resent their loss just a little. One thing that we, as adoptive parents, don’t get to choose is how much we share about our children on social media. We aren’t able to post videos of their first steps, or photos of the complete state they get into
Many children who come into care suffer with incredibly low self-esteem and this is usually something which they will have to battle throughout their lives.
A few months back our home became our youngest’s longest home. I said then it would be quite a while before our oldest could celebrate the same occasion. That is still technically true, but it depends on how you define your ‘home’. Is it the people you live with? The place you live? Or a combination of the two?
During our blip one of the minor reasons that was first suggested as to why we wouldn’t be a suitable family for our children was that we had two dogs. For the time being I will ignore the fact that this was stated in our Prospective Adopters Report and that we were initially approached by Social Services about the children and not the other way around.
In the grand scheme of things our journey and travels through the adoption process have been quite short. Many prospective adopters wait a lot longer to be linked to a child than we did. Many people have delays caused by problems with social services staffing issues, and sometimes prospective adopters get assigned a social worker to assess them that they just don’t feel comfortable with. Occasionally social workers make mistakes which delay things – they are human, they make mistakes – and sometimes Life just gets in the way. I am pleased to say we have experienced very few of those of things and
Before I write this post I would like to point out that I’m not mad, while these conversations are based on real events they never actually happened anywhere other than in my head. The Request Child: That looks interesting. *points to age inappropriate object out of reach* Parent: No, you can’t have that. Child: Can I have that please? *points again, moves closer* Parent: No, that’s not for you. *moves child away from object and next to some toys in attempt to distract* Child: I want that toy! *returns to object, points again* Parent: That isn’t a toy, you can’t have it.