The main subject of this blog has been covered a number of times before, usually in blog posts entitled something along the lines of “things you shouldn’t say to an adoptive parent”. “They are so lucky to have you as parents.” It is a phrase which we hear quite often, it is usually meant with the best of intentions; as a compliment to us letting us know that we are being successful as parents. The phrase will rarely be met with anything better than a polite but forced smile. Sometimes it might even be an eye-roll or a derisive or
Category: Adoption
Guilt Without Regret
As I’ve learned over the last couple of years, parenting is full of self-doubt and guilt. We do things the way we feel is right but that doesn’t stop you questioning yourself and wondering if it really was the correct way of going about something. We feel guilty about things we do ‘for their own good’. So, in an attempt to combat this here are some things which I have done, but I am not sorry for doing, even if I do feel guilty about doing some of them. I am not sorry that after you took over an hour
Favourites
Is it just my children that don’t really have favourite things? They have ‘transient’ favourites certainly, where the thing they’re playing with at the time is their ‘favourite toy’ if asked, but generally they have never had that one thing that they gravitate back to, or can’t live without. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think this is a massive problem. I’ve seen parents of children who are too attached to a blankee or particular toy with panic in their eyes as their little one is having a minor meltdown because 5 minutes ago they dropped it on the floor
Review: Snow Tales by Michael Morpurgo
A slight break from my normal post style again. My Eldest son got this book for his birthday. It is aimed at children slightly older than he is, but he has such an appetite for reading and books that we went with it to see how he got on. This review has two sections, one from my perspective, one from my son’s perspective (based on my observations). The Parents’ Perspective I loved reading this book out loud to my son, it has two stories in it “Rainbow Bear” and “Little Albatross”. It is written in such a way that ‘performing’ it
Turning The Tables – IRO
If you’re a foster carer you’ll be overly familiar with what an IRO is. If you’re an adopter you may not know. Every child that is in care will usually have an IRO – Independent Reviewing Officer. They are meant to be there, amongst other things, to ensure that the best interests of the child are being represented and that everyone is doing their jobs properly. Every few weeks/months a child in care will have a LAC (Looked After Child) review – which is a meeting that is meant to have all the main people involved with the child there
Why Do You Blog?
It is a question I ask myself all the time. Why am I writing this? What do I expect to happen if I put these thoughts out into the big wide world? Certainly the reason why I originally began writing it is not the same as the reason why I am writing it now. My About Us page states: From August 2013 our government altered the adoption approval process to make it more efficient and therefore speed it up in order to help find permanent homes for the many children in the care system. This blog is about our experiences
Getting the Meek to Talk
When my Eldest came to us, he wasn’t the most talkative of people. He was fairly happy to just fade into the background and watch the comings and goings of the house. He was at his most talkative when we were in the car and he spotted lorries, bridges, cars, vans, ambulances, etc etc etc and liked to point them out along with their colour. At home was another story. He was very meek and quiet. He would talk to us, he certainly wasn’t shy, but rarely exerted any will (other than the odd foot stomp). One of the books
Something Amazing has Happened
My definition of amazing is probably not the same as other people’s. Not in relation to my children anyway. Since Christmas something has been changing in Eldest. It has happened gradually, almost unnoticed.
Inner Voices
Your inner voice is an important part of your personality. It is the thing which makes you question yourself, allows you to make decisions, and most importantly tells you what the consequences of any action you are about to take might be. Young children do not have an inner voice, or at least not a developed one. It is quite common for children who have been in care to have an underdeveloped inner voice for their age. This can in part be because of a lack of communication skills; if they lack good language skills how can they create that
Preconceived Parenting
Before we become parents we tend to have some idea of the kind of parent we would like to be. I know that before and during our adoption process I used to watch the way other parents handled situations with their children and wonder how I would have dealt with them. The problem with having these preconceived notions is that things very rarely go the way you plan.
